Lol. There's another guy.

His name is Trevor. I call in Trev when talking to other people. He doesn't know this. He likes spaghetti, is allergic to Penicillin, and is obsessed with elephants. He also thinks the greatest form of intimacy is eating his loved one. He says he's obsessed with me. I'm pretty sure I'm obsessed with him too. We talk every night, for hours at a time, on the phone. I never even realize how long it's been until it's over. We talk about everything, and we talk about nothing. He seems to like it when I just talk about myself. He says I look better without make-up and should take out my piercings and color my hair back to my natural dark brown. He really thinks I'm pretty. I know where he lives, and even plan to go visit him before the end of the year. I'm nervous to know what he'll think about me then. He's willing to indulge my deepest fantasies, and I think he may even be looking forward to them. Trev is unlike anyone I've ever met. He's highly intelligent, witty, and honest. Oh, not to mention gorgeous beyond words.


We have a lot in common, but I also know I have a lot to learn from him. I think the two of us could really go somewhere.
He counts how long it takes me to answer him back on IMs, and is pleased when it's less than a minute. He enjoys talking to me and calls me back every time he says he will. On the days we can't talk he claims to miss me. It's nice having someone that cares about your well being.
I own his skeleton, and I'm always thinking about him. This time is doesn't just feel like a crush though. I don't have the giddy school girl feelings every moment of the day and it IS possible for me to get things done while he's available. However, I think this may be something far more profound. When he told me that he would drink my blood my heart fluttered and a smile crept across my lips. I badly want to kiss him. I want to wake up close to him and be able to trace my lips along his jawbone and wake him up to a beautiful evening every day. I know this may sound silly, and like it's just another crush, but he... he is the closest thing I've felt to true happiness since James. It's like he's piecing me back together one shard at a time.
Just knowing he finds me attractive boosts my self esteem, I can't help but smile when I talk to him, and having him fall asleep on the phone with me is one of the greatest pleasures I've ever been allowed to endure.
I can't tell him any of this yet, and I doubt I ever will.. but I'm not even sure why I'm playing shy anymore. He already sees right through me, and already knows I'm crazy about him... but maybe now isn't the best time to come on so strong. I wish I knew some of his friends, wish I had someone to talk to about all of this. Though he may claim to care about me, he still has feelings for his ex. Lots of them. What would I do if she suddenly decided to have him back? If she took him from me? I think this is why I try to keep some distance between us. I'm not going to be dropped for an ex again. I refuse to be forgotten anymore. What's the best course of action now? Go with my feelings, try to be happy, and risk falling apart again? Or just keep at a distance and admire from a friend's perspective? Do I even have a choice anymore? If he cares as much as he says he does, then maybe he won't let me fall into the friend-zone. Trevor is special. That much I know. He may see things that aren't there, and may be just as crazy as I am, but I think it can work. I think he can help each other. I think we can be happy.